as mine was beneath the soft clinging, pink cashmere sweater that fit snugly about my breasts.

There was strength and fragility blended in Jan. Her features were fine, and her mouth firm. Often during that brief half hour of heaven, her lips trembled into the most beautiful, warming smile I'd ever seen. blossomed at the sight of it, as a flower blossoms under a warm sun.

Jan's skin was smooth and clear and she wore no makeup except rose lipstick which showed to advantage the delicate yet full curve of her lips. As I stared at her, her face became imprinted on my heart.

As we walked back to the store together, I was aware that Jan had picked up my check and paid it, as if that was the most natural thing in the world. Why, I thought to myself, it's just like when my sister dates. Her boy friends pick up the check.

I

That was the first time I was aware that in loving a person of my own sex, there would be that sense of perfect balance, male and female. I felt it now, Jan was the fellow, I was the girl. And that was how it should be!

I was tingling so that I could hardly enter the store and back to selling dresses to ordinary women. Jan go gently squeezed my arm, as she said, "See you later!" then strolled into her office. My head was reeling. And heart cried out, "Yes, Jan! Yes!" my

As the days passed, though Jan was aloof to others, she became very close to me.

Red-haired Bernice, black-haired Flora, and blonde Phyliss teased me about being the only one there who could melt that walking ice cube in the office.

"She isn't an ice cube," I said. "You just don't understand Jan.

""

Bernice quipped,

"Well, if she's what you want for a pal, okay. But she'd be hell on a double date."

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I smiled. I didn't want to double date Jan. I only wanted to date her. Of course, the other girls who worked at Hansen's could never understand that.

With Jan I was completely at ease. Her poise delighted me, and she enjoyed my exuberance and vivaciousness. We were a perfect blend of personalities, each contributing to the other.

Jan and I were able to confide in each other about the miseries of our lonely childhoods. And comfort came from such confidences.

Occasionally the girls at Hansen's had a get together at one of their homes. When we met at mine, I insisted that Jan come. It was her first time in the group's social life. She was quiet, polite, and pleasant. From that evening on, Jan was invited to all of our get-togethers. And because I would be there, Jan came along. Just to be with me.

Every morning Jan took me to work in her green convertible. She and I always lunched together. After work she drove me home. Sometimes she had dinner at my house, even though it was obvious that my sister Beth and her husband Hal didn't like her. Mother was on the cool side where Jan was concerned. Jan just didn't appeal to my folks. They didn't approve of her boyish haircut, or such tailored clothing for girls.

After dinner, Jan and I usually went to my room and played phonograph records, or read aloud to each others. Spiritually we became closer and closer.

Sometimes Jan drove me to Carmel for dinner at one of the artistic tea rooms. Sometimes we went to movies. On Saturdays and Sundays we explored the countryside together. We loved every wind-twisted cypress along the rocky coast, the pines and oaks on the hills, blending into forests of madrone and redwood. We raced along carpets of blue lupine and gold mustard. We were so happy that we seemed to be one with all

nature.

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